Clerks: Scene 21: INT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

Screw me ? - You'll never believe what this unruly customer just said. - Wait. - She in here ? - This guy's going through all the eggs. This has been going on for 20 minutes now. - What's he looking for ? - Said he has to find the perfect dozen. - Perfect dozen ? - Each egg has to be perfect. - The quest isn't going well ? - Obviously not. - Look at all the cartons that didn't make the grade. - Why doesn't he mix and match ? - l told him that, and he yelled at me. - What'd he say ? He said it was important to have standards. He says no one has any pride anymore. It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. I give him five more minutes. After that, I'm calling the cops. I don't need this. I'm not even supposed to be here today. Two packs of cigarettes. - I'm as puzzled as you. - I've actually seen it before. - You know him ? - No, but l know the behavior. - Let me guess. He's looking for the perfect carton of eggs ? - [ Randal ] How'd you know ? - I'll bet you a million dollars he's a guidance counselor. - [ Dante ] Why do you say that ? I saw it happen in Food City, Like, last year. Different guy, though. Stock boy said he'd been looking through cartons of eggs for half an hour, doing all sorts of endurance tests and stuff. I asked him why nobody ever called the manager, and he said it happens... two, three times a week, sometimes more. - Get out of here. - No, l kid you not. They call it shell shock. Seems to only happen with guidance counselors. They used to make a big deal of it, but they just let it go now... because they always pay for whatever they break, and they never bother anybody. Why guidance counselors ? If your job was as meaningless as theirs, wouldn't you go crazy too ? - Come to think of it, my guidance counselor was kinda worthless. - See ? It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why l manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.